Bake x Take x Fail
by DJ Broken Wang
Summary: Fist time attempt at friendship mode. No romance... Pure friendship only. So, it should be a fanfic for valentine's, but I can't stop working in my job. Enjoy, Read, and Review
Hello dear readers! How's your day? Nah, I'm just asking...

I really love this day. You know what? I made this long one-shot 11 PM, and I finished it 3:30 AM! I didn't know I have lots of sugar, because I'm not sleepy at all.

The reason: I read all of my works from the beginning, and I just noticed how silly I am.

And I still am.

Anyway, this is my first attempt of writing a pure friendship genre. I don't have any idea of how would this turn out, but I still think it's an epic fail.

Really.

Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn is a fiction story. My work is a fanfiction, because I'm Akira Amano's fan. Heheheh...

oooOOOooo

Bake x Take x Fail

oooOOOooo

"... What?"

That is the only word that he spoke for the very first time since he was sent to the principal's office, together with the bald-headed principal of his dear school, who is herbivorous enough to follow orders from those who are forty years younger than him, the five members of the student council whose names he didn't bother to remember because each and every one of them bonded together like a herd of flat-footed herbivores, a random victim of his blessing crying puppy tears to exaggerate the story of his beatings, and himself.

The omnivore-ish herbivore sitting across from him slightly leaned forward to get his point. "Look, Hibari-san. We know that what you are doing is for our greater good, but violence is not the best way on demonstrating it."

Hibari countered swiftly with an icy tone, barely containing his anger by clenched fists and slightly narrowed eyes. "Are you implying of my capability, herbivore?"

"Bringing a deadly weapon inside the school premises is not allowed - and that is for a Class-A offense, Mr. Hibari, according to section 13-A in our guidebook." The secretary who manly enough to protect their president. However, the pathetic show of bravery melted immediately when he saw the bright glint of one of the discipline captain's tonfas inside his black uniform.

To close the argument and gave no room for him to disagree, the student council president stated in front of his face the defeat he deserves to receive. "There are only options I could give you. If you don't want to do that, then you could consider yourself stepping down your position as a Discipline Committee captain and let it be dissolved. Your group of Elvis Presley is not supposed to be included, anyways."

One of his eyebrows twitched angrily.

As if he had a choice.

oooOOOooo

"I couldn't do this anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"... Satoshi-kun... I'm set on moving away..."

"... Ha... And you're going to give up, just like that?!"

"I'm sorry - "

"SORRY?! After all the hardships we've gone through, we're going to break up... JUST LIKE THAT?!"

"And have your life on the line?! You know my family do not approve of this relationship in the first place!"

Tears were overflowing the big brown eyes of the girl sitting on the floor, watching a movie she recently bought. She was told by her friends that the cast of the film were comprised of all the actors meticulously picked from around the world. The setting was in the most romantic place in the world. She was also told that the protagonist of the film is a Japanese.

And most of all, she was told that this film is the best (she snorted that time), it even made her classmates burst in tears. She hesitated to buy it, at first, but she was goaded to watch it.

And here she was, crying because of these two.

"But what about me?! Mari, I - I - "

"No... "

"... So that's it? Is that what you want?"

"It's not what I want, ok?! You're just someone I met... here! I don't even know you that long, except for the fact that you are a baseball player!"

"... Then I want you to know me... Mari, this is not a request. I want you to - "

"I'm to be married, Satoshi!"

The swelly-eyed brunette blew her nose by the tissue she picked in the box sitting on her lap.

"Hu-hu-hu! Haru wants to slap Mari-chan for being a coward... Satoshi-kun is trying so hard and you're a... Hu-hu- "

Ding-dong!

Some different chime made Haru stood up.

"Hahi! Is that Haru's dad? But he told Haru that he would not be home until 11:00 PM, right?"

She was talking to herself all the while walking towards the main door of the Miura household. When she opened the door, a shocking and terrifying obscenity surprised her.

"Herbivore. Are you crying?"

Awkward.

oooOOOooo

The poor victim of both sides of the arena started. "Hibari-sempai... I'm sorry for giving you such an inconvenience - "

"No, Akira-san. Don't apologize to him. He is the one who made a mistake. A grave one at that." The most toothless herbivore of a school council president bravely said.

The principal sighed deeply and faced the carnivore, "Alright... Mr. Hibari. Since everyone agreed for this... you have to abide - "

Out of impatience, Hibari butted in. "And what is that?"

Silence enveloped everyone for a short moment. After that, the principal turned to the one called 'Akira.'

"... Let's ask Akira."

Everyone turned their heads at the student. In turn, Akira gulped as nervousness called him to duck under their intense red glare known as the pairs of eyes.

... Silence...

"Well... "

The rest awaited for Hibari's punishment. However, at the moment Akira spouted some out-of-this-world request, the unyielding mass of frozen ice blazed in anger.

"I wanna die."

oooOOOooo

This is getting awkward...

The now frightened statue named Haru was standing on the other side of the kitchen counter. The other 'unwelcomed' visitor, who called her a herbivore, was standing on the other end.

She internally cringed. This is supposed to be the best day of her life! To be able to go out of school and back with a bright sunshine and greet her beloved Tsuna-san with a tasty lunch made with the power of love... Were those things hard to ask?!

Teach me how to bake a cream-chocolate cheesecake.

This is Karma.

But, from what she learned, Karma does not have any physical manifestation, right?

She glanced to the other side of the counter to make sure she was just imagining things, only to look to her feet and shrank immediately when she found out that the devil was looking back at her.

This. Is. A. Joke. A. Dream. This is all in my head -

Suddenly, she heard the echo of two feet walking towards her, until she saw the two feet stopping in front of her.

Oh, I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm so... dead -

"Herbivore. Are we just going to stand here and wait for anything to magically appear?"

oooOOOooo

Why am I even here in the first place? The black-haired teen asked himself. He could simply buy a piece of cream-chocolate cheesecake in any nearest cake store whenever he wants to. And inform the herbivores that he made it with his whole hands...

"... you could bake me a simple cream-chocolate cheesecake made with your whole heart to make it more sincere... I don't want anything else."

He just wanted to beat the herbivorous insect until its body was wrung like a knotted string, but the bloody grin of the rest of the people in the office is what more tempted him of doing so...

But that would be against his personal moral code, no?

Actually, he could buy that... thing which is not even related to his cravings for biting someone to death (this even doubled his bloodlust more). However, dealing with gossiping toothless herbivores irritated him. If there is one thing he hates aside from crowding, that is the noise.

So, this is the idea he came up with: have someone help him bake a cake. There are only tricky instances he should consider, though.

Boys do not bake, it is the natural law of manliness. He knows weak herbivores are the majority of the forces of male population wanting to fight him.. But, Hibari is a male, he does not bake, as well as the rest of the population with the same genitalia.

Except for the herbivore whose head is filled with home-runs and strikeouts.

However, that herbivore is really oblivious, he doesn't even know how not to meddle in anyone's business! If he asked him, he would laugh at him (obviously), and tell everyone around the world that their terrorizing hell of a prefect loves to bake. Bearing with this is terrible enough, how about being the center of hilarity?

He could ask any girl in Namimori Chuu to assist him, but Hibari is no fool to choose any woman. He is perfectly aware that those screaming horns secretly founded a sorority behind his back to chant and create potions for him. He doesn't want to experience such torture, he had a fair share of his when he fought the cheapskate of a herbivorous illusionist. So, that's not a part of a solution.

So, he only have limited options, then.

There are five female herbivores he could seek help with.

He could ask the king of the herbivore's mother to help him (since she is not a part of any fanclub brigade and that she is married), but there is a great risk of being found by the king of the herbivores himself and tell this to others, leading for the baseball herbivore to gossip the news to everyone, and his life is extinguished.

He could ask Bi... Bi - something herbivore, but same reasons applied due to residence. Also, her 'cooking' is not really... cooking. He was not even sure if the cake he would create is made of love or a kiss of nightmare. Not to mention, she is the older sister of the dynamite PMS-ing herbivore... and because of the relation, she would not hesitate to tell this to her little brother.

And because he is a loyal dog to the king of the herbivores, he would definitely be the center of laughingstock in a matter of seconds.

He could also ask the boxing herbivore's herbivorous little sister, but that's the thing! She is the loudmouth's little sister, it's natural that they're living in the same roof. If he was caught, he could not bear the idiot's scream ("WHAT?! HIBARI-SAN IS EXTREMELY NOT FOR AN EXTREME BOXING MATCH BUT TO EXTREMELY BAKE TO THE EXTREME?! NEIGHBORS!).

He would extremely kill himself, that's a guarantee.

He could ask the boxing herbivore's herbivorous little sister's best friend... the one who studies in an all-girl school... No, that's a wonderful joke. That herbivore's not an ideal practice partner. He doesn't want to be infected with the tooth fairy virus. She has a weird sense of color, a weird sense of design, a weird sense of costume, a weird sense of fashion, and a weird taste for men.

Think about it. Her delusional premonition is not suitable for survival. The king of herbivores is worst when it comes to academics, sports, fighting, and being manly enough to confess to a walking organism with no sense of commonality. It's not as if he's bragging, but he is a better candidate for a mate.

She's an idiot.

There are two other people he know he could ask help with, but he would rather swallow a live turkey whole, than to deal with them. The cheapskate's assistant reminded him of his last fight. Not to mention, he hated the pineapple hairstyle and the moment he would face the humiliation, once his assistant chickened, tucked its own tail, and passed out.

The other one is okay... not!

That herbivore is a brat. Obviously, she does omnivorous things even if she is a herbivore... like being a snobbish, egotistical brat.

That brat looks, thinks, and acts like a kid. As a steadfast rule he made for himself, he should never hurt children, kids, or brats. Even if she is not in the head, she is still harmless.

Like his Hibird.

He almost gave up by not coming up of options to slip, but his world suddenly lit up. Yes, sunshine is also included, but that's not it. An idea suddenly popped out.

The solution is so simple, he is too carnivorous enough to oversee it.

Reverse psychology.

Recent study shown that both listener and speaker would be benefited if the options given is advantageous to one side and not to another. It gives them no other way to run to, so the tendency is that the favor asked would be provided in just one try.

He tried it once to a law-abiding citizen who was caught on the act of starting to paint the sacred white walls of his beloved school with a yellowish liquid from his pants. Instead of a threat, he said, "Okay, you can urinate then, you are outside the school premises, and our guidebook is only applied inside the school." He thought it would not work, but the man hurriedly zipped his pants back and ran away.

He's going to do that again. He would plead and request, instead of forcing anyone to do what he wants them to do.

And by 'plea,' he meant 'threat.'

He tried to re-analyze the amount of possibilities by taking every person in account and a what-will-happen scenario.

But, no matter how he tried, there is only one person he could use that method with.

She is the most effective person for this.

And he wanted to hit himself.

oooOOOooo

Hey. Haru. The carnivore just asked you a question. Hurry up.

Out of panicking, Haru grabbed the nearest cookbook she could reach and shoved it to Hibari without looking.

What a dumb and thoughtless move...

Wait.

The cookbook's cover is a hard one, right?

Oh, Karma. Please take me now.

The brunette kept on chanting her mantra in her mind while closing her eyes, when she heard the other one clearing his throat.

On the other hand, Hibari really felt like laughing. It is the first time he felt this in a long while.

She's weird.

"What's this, Miura-san?"

Hahi? Not herbivore? She opened her eyes and looked up to see his face. He was looking at her as if he's asking for an answer.

"... That's... a cookbook."

What kind of answer did she come up with?

In response, Hibari raised his left eyebrow and answered, "I know its a cookbook, Miura-san - "

"Yes! And it would guide you to make that cake... and... and... " And she continued her incoherent blabber. Is she seriously avoiding him?

Clearly, she is in panic. He knew it. Threatening her is a very bad idea. He must think of a way to force her to say yes -

That's it!

When she saw his hands making a sudden move, Haru suddenly stopped talking and shielded her face in order to brace the attack of the hard metals. But, she never felt it.

Instead, she was lifted off the ground by two hands gripping her waist. When she opened her eyes, she found out that she was already sitting on the surface of the kitchen counter. Hibari was standing a foot in front of her.

Wow, she is taller than him now! How come she didn't thought of this?!

"Haru... "

She suddenly stopped her fussings to look at the skylark's eyes. He seemed... apologetic?

"... I'm not asking you as a joke. I was assigned to bake a cake until tomorrow, or else the Discipline Committee would be disbanded. I don't want a cookbook... I want you to help me bake... "

While the ravenhead was explaining the reason of his demise, all Haru could think of is Hibari's face. He is scary, that she already knew. But today... He's cute!

After explaining everything, Hibari looked at Haru's reaction. If she laughed, he would not hesitate to break his own personal law of life.

But this is not the reaction he is expecting.

With her best poker face (mostly to suppress her fangirling squealing thoughts of Hibari's cute face), she grabbed his hands.

Bottomline is he was stumped unexpectedly.

What is she going to do now? Hibari thought while letting himself be held like this. If this reverse psychology is not effective, then he could pick up that book and blow a dent on the girl's head -

He saw the fire in the girl's eyes.

Wow.

For a herbivore, she's determined, huh?

"Yes, I'll help you. Don't worry."

Success!

oooOOOooo

After school recession is the best moment of Akira's life. Aside for this once-a-day's free time to go home, it is also the time when he could see his crush walking inside their school. He couldn't explain to himself, but since the first time he saw her, his first year of being a junior high student has never been dulled out. It was like a love at first sight.

He had never been failed of setting his goals with girls before. In fact, he already had more than thirty girls he already conquered since he set foot on the school. He was nicknamed as 'Almighty Highness in Women,' because of his ability to manipulate and attract the opposite gender with his sweet words.

Never once he failed on conquering women. Hell, he could sweep off a female's feet with just a killer smile!

Except for this one.

He tried to catch her attention more than once. He threw pink origami paper planes, he poured a bottle of an expensive cologne all over himself, he even asked her schoolmates to snuff a pink carnation he bought inside her locker. His last resort being a sneaky cat while he silently climbed her bedroom window just to see her angelic sleeping face.

But her eyes were only set to the good-for-nothing kid who manages to trip on over nothing but air!

What did she see in that loser?! He's not good in academics, he's bad in sports, he has no sense of direction, he has no sense of style, and he doesn't have any friends but the two other losers who came from the planet of Suckerpunch.

Is she even aware that her crush do not have a crush on her?

But, no matter. After several failed attempts, he is certain that she will fall in love with him. All thanks to that stupid prefect who complied to his 'good-natured charms.' He thought with a smirk.

oooOOOooo

"TSUNA MY LOVE! HARU'S HERE! LET'S GO HOME LIKE EVERY COUPLE DOES!"

That voice... he's not mistaken. She's here.

"Eh... EHHH?! HARU'S HERE?!"

And the loser's here, too.

"SHUT UP, STUPID WOMAN! JUUDAIME WOULD NEVER GO HOME WITH YOU! AS JUUDAIME'S RIGHT-HAND MAN, I WOULD KEEP HIM OUT OF YOUR STUPIDITY!"

"HAHI! HARU'S NOT STUPID, YOU MORON!"

"WOW! YOU SURE ARE ONE LUCKY GUY, TSUNA!"

"EXTREME!"

Ahhh... more idiots! Must he have a very lucky day to have several spectators.

No, he would not falter! No matter what, he must not be fazed with just a group of socially-crazed barbarians! Not when he has... the gift.

Well... Here goes nothing. He thought while he slow-walked towards his crush - surprisingly, its Haru Miura - with a silvery-glittered box with a pink bow.

By chance, the seven people who were in the principal's office from the last conspiracy were there, as well. The principal was just going out OF the school building, walking across the school ground to reach his car parked inside the parking lot. The five members of the student council were pasting and hanging posters and banners for the upcoming outbound program with other schools... Well, we're not going to speak about that topic (because they are just rest of the background, you see).

As for the evil Disciplinary Committee chairman, surprisingly, he was not taking a nap at the rooftop of the building.

Strange.

He was patrolling the school grounds. Where there was a lot of crowding herbivores around.

Anyways, it was consequently an accident that the seven of them glanced at one direction.

Yes. That one Akira that was walking towards a female student wearing a Midori Middle School's uniform.

Back to the main scene, Akira finally reached the girl surrounded with the good-for-nothing group. And the one who noticed him first was the one with the sharpest perception of the group, which happened to be Yamamoto.

"Ah... Akira-san, hello!"

The rest of the group glanced back to look at the person the baseball fan was talking about.

The 'Akira-san' Yamamoto was taking about received various reactions.

"EXTREME! ARE YOU HERE FOR A BOXING MATCH?!" Ryohei yelled for every student to see. Akira just paled visibly while negating the boxer's invitation. Gokudera followed with the statement of "What?! Are YOU trying to kill Juudaime?! You bastard, I'LL BLAST YOU TO BITS!" Tsuna shrieked as he pulled the silverhead back, all the while the oblivious female asked the million-dollar question.

"How can Haru help you?"

The once-paled Akira dropped a box on the girl's opened arms, which shocked, not only the people of the group, but also the rest of the people around them.

Despite of difficult reactions of her friends (she just pinched the octopus head when he said about the stupid woman receiving a prank as a gift), Haru asked the guy if she could open up the box.

Without waiting for his answer, she hurriedly opened it, ripping the ribbon and its foil. When she say what is inside of it, she froze. The other four surrounded her to look for the contents of the box.

"Wha - that's frustrating." Gokudera disappointingly said. Tsuna said to himself, "You really wish Haru harm, huh."

"Haha ~ a cake for Haru? So romantic!" Yamamoto exclaimed, in which Tsuna face palmed while thinking about the baseball idiot's air-headedness.

"WOW! A YELLOW-COLORED CAKE! EXTREME! KID, YOU'VE GOT SOME GUTS - THAT'S THE POWER OF YOUTH!" Wait, this is not Ryohei line, is it?!

Haru just stared at the cake inside the box. Then she scrunched her face. "I'm sure I've seen it somewhere... Yes, I've seen this before - "

"That's our cake." A new (and terrifying) deep baritone blew the paranormal scene. Tsuna then fainted automatically, as his right-hand man attended to him and the other one laughed at this epic fail-ness.

The six people at the background just stood there, waiting for another sound of punishment for the devil in uniform.

The brunette looked at the person to her right and to her surprise, she jumped out of right fear. "Hahi! Kyoya?"

Kyoya? First name basis already? Akira thought with envy.

Hibari just looked at the cake, pulling out his best buddies inside his uniform. "... that's THE cake we made yesterday, Haru. That's THE punishment I was made to do... To make fun of me like that... is an insult, herbivore." at that moment, Akira just say his soul coming out of his body.

But, the unexpected thing happened. Instead of biting the herbivore to death, the skylark turned to Haru and... just talked to her, like a normal conversation.

"I've never tasted my work before I gave that one to the herbivore over there."

"I have't either."

"Why don't we go to your house today? You told me that your father is having an all-nighter in the university, right?"

"To think about it, yes... oh, and I haven't finished the movie that I watched yesterday. Thanks to you!" Haru replied sarcastically.

"Sorry. But I want to know that movie too. I want to know what made you cry - "

"Shut up."

"But I'm curious. Everyone was talking about it being a real story."

"Really?! Let's go then."

Hibari and Haru walked out of the scene while talking, leaving the rest gobsmacked.

Akira just stood there, tears of childish unsportiness pooling in his eyes.

The background people, including the six others, just resumed to their usual work like there's no scandal happened.

"Extreme... " The boxing idiot did not screamed, probably because of the amount of shock. The baseball idiot beside him never blinked while saying, "Yeah... "

Tsuna, who just wolf up, fainted again when he witnessed that apocalypse. His right-hand idiot also fainted.

But there is only one thought crossing in their minds that time.

Epic fail.

oooOOOooo

See? I told you, it's an epic of the worst failures! Nyahahahah!


End file.
